Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
