White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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