this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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