my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
