Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
