Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
