it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize