i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
