If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
