dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
