I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
