Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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