Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
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Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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