The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize