i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
