Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
