WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
