Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
