Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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