I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
