it wasn't lemon gatorade
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
