She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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