i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
