I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
