If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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