We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
