i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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