so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
