you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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