I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
