just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
