You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
