therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
