i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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