Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
