so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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