So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
