Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
birth control should be required to get into college
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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