My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
