and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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