So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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