it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
