Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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