I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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