How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
