i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
