i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
