Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
