I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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