u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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