someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
