Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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