I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
