i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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