So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
