What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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