Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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