Welp...herpes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
