i jhust puked up my retainher.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have aggressive nipples.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
