hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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