Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
