I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
