Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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