Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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