This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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