She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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