so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
