He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
