Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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