Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Randomize
