I hate your face
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
